Today, there is change in the air. Maybe it's the solstice, or maybe it's my imagination. The causation is not nearly as intoxicating to me as the effect. It's barely winter, but already, I feel the stirrings of life in my roots as though spring were around the corner. Then again, I guess it is as swim suits should be in a department store near you, soon!
I had a crazy dream last night. I was shopping in a Toys R Us with a friend for her kids for Christmas. We became separated, and when I could not find her, my restless nature led me away from the store and into a hospital, where I found a nice cozy spot to watch Jurassic Park on VHS in an empty conference room because of reasons. My movie time was then interrupted by a myriad of visitors. Sometimes, my life feels like that. I sit down with popcorn and tea to watch a favorite movie when a flood of thoughts and feelings rudely bombard my down time and take me away from all the fun. Oh, life...
After a long time of things being helter-skelter, half-whimmed, and more than a little nuts, I long to put structure back into my life. But not just any structure...I want to post a want ad, take resumes, filter, and hand-pick with care and coordination what structure I put back in the chaos that has become the defining characteristic of my current situation(s). The challenge here is that I'm so confused, not entirely sure what criteria and election I'd even use to select that structure. A little at a time...baby steps. Baby steps.
There is so much beauty in the endless availability in possibility for me now. While I'll be the first to admit I have no idea how to get a handle on it, that does not diminish the spectacular glimmer of what is possible in the wake of the destruction my life has fallen into. I can move anywhere. I can start anew in a new (or many new) field(s). I can fall in love with the endless azure sky and chase it like a butterfly. The possibilities are as boundless as my imagination; however, in the stress the absence of structure causes me, what I tend to do first is reign in and bind my imagination until better days ahead Well, NO MORE! I declare the wildness of my capricious third-eye wide open!
I wonder if eggs feel like this when the get broken open and scrambled into cookie dough. That's got to be a very disconcerting experience. They go from safely ensconced in hard-shelled, dark, self-contained spheres to being haplessly tossed into a brown solution of milk, flour, sugar, salt, and who knows what else, and harshly beaten and battered into the mix. Yes, people, I am cookie dough! Now that I have that figured out, I can move on to yet another analogy.
If I am not cookie dough, I'm a mouse in a maze. I can smell the cheese, but I have no idea how in the hell to get to the sniffed out desires. And as I am not a creature well-adapted to following my nose, it is not second nature. That doesn't make it impossible, just challenging. Challenges are good though, right?
SO there you have it. I'm either scrambled eggs in cookie dough or an a-mazed mouse. Sounds right. Glad I've gotten at least that much straightened out.
Tootles from the mixing bowl!
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